God Wins…but can I ?

A Mother's Journey


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Annoying Mother’s Day cutesy quotes

I’m really not as grumpy as I’m about to sound right now.

But cutesy quotes can be so annoying.

I used to love cutesy phrases and sayings.

When I was a teenager, I plastered them all over my school folders.

Quotes such as, “Train your mind to see the good in everything,” and “When it rains look for rainbows…” were written in lovely script on pocket folders for every class.

I think that I was trying to BE positive.

Think positive.

Act positive.

See the glass as “half-full.”

Not a bad thing.

But, I was young and not totally realistic about adult life.

So fast foward to this Mother’s Day 2018 –

As I flipped through Facebook, a light-hearted cutesy quote grabbed my attention:

“Only the best moms are promoted to GRANDMA.”

Ugh. Really?

Pause. Wince.

Some of you won’t need to read any further.

You immediately understand.

Some people have the good fortune to never feel a twinge of pain reading this saying.

For others of us, this light-hearted quip STINGS. Feels like a bee bite.

Harsh reality:

When you lose a daughter or son, as a child, you lose the opportunity to have grandchildren.

And quotes like this one aren’t so fun, are they?

Am I advocating for the banning of all cutesy Mother’s Day quotes and even cards?

No.

I am advocating for us to be sensitive to the life circumstances of others around us.

Let’s be aware that “life isn’t a bowl of cherries” for all moms.

I’m so grateful to my friends who sent me texts/messages this Mother’s Day. Several friends acknowledged that, while the day brought me joy as I celebrated my son, it also brought pain as I reflected on losing my daughter.

Sweetness and bitterness together.

My friends’ kind words uplift and shape my view of the world so much more than any cutesy quote ever can! Thank you!

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Why Today, Bereaved Mother’s Day, Matters

You walk by us every day at work and the shopping mall.

You stand next to us in the line at the grocery store.

You sit next to us on the train.

You wave hello as you drive by us in the neighborhood.

You whisper prayers next to us at church, mosque or synagogue.

We are everywhere.

Do you see us?

You will never know by our smiling faces, what is going on in our hearts.

At times, to us, it feels as though we are invisible.

Some of us never share our story  – you don’t know that we lost our child through miscarriage.

Others of us lost a child the moment she or he was born. And we never told anyone.

A group of us lost our child to violence, whether self-inflicted or at the hand of another.

Some of us received the harrowing phone call that our child was in an accident.

And there are those of us who cared for a child through a terminal illness.

We are all mothers whose children are no longer with us.

And yes,

It is the worst pain imaginable for a mother to have a child die first.

The worst.

And yes,

We would have gladly traded places with our child.

And yes,

We are brave and courageous women.

We have survived the worst life experience; yet, we get up every day and move ahead through the pain.

We continue to take care of our family, friends and community.

And yes,

There are days when it’s hard to get out of bed.

There are days we feel shock that our child is gone.

And yes,

Although we may have other children, the depth of our chid’s absence is still great.

And yes,

Mother’s Day every year brings joy and sorrow – a truly bittersweet day.

That’s the reason today, Bereaved Mother’s Day, is so special.

Let’s bless the person who thought of it.

It is a time for bereaved mothers to acknowledge the special love we carry every day in our hearts.

On this Sunday, I honor all Bereaved Mothers.

I especially think of my grandmother Sophie who had several miscarriages. Although she had nine living children, sadly, she never healed from the weight of her miscarriages.

I think of my great-grandmother Carmela, who lost four of her six children (at ages 9,7, 5, 1) to illness and accidents. Upon the death of her fourth child (eldest at 9 years old), she passed away two days later.

Today, your stories and legacy are honored – along with hundreds of thousands of other women across the centuries. I wish that I didn’t understand your pain, but I do.

Your strength to persevere inspires me. I trust you are at peace and your children are in your arms today . . . just as my sweet girl will be in mine again.

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 “The carnation does not drop its petals but hugs them to its heart as it dies, and so too, mothers hug their children to their hearts, their mother love never dying.” Ann Jarvis