God Wins…but can I ?

A Mother's Journey


Two Ends of the Hourglass

I’m on one end of the hourglass

and you are on the other end.

For now, the narrow neck separates us.

On my side, time and my life experiences move.

Memories of you, just like the pieces of sand,

slowly passed through the hourglass when you first left.

The more time clips ahead, the faster the sand seeps through the stem taking my

memories with them.

Images of you that I grasp onto:

Laughter. Tears. Arguments. Hugs. Love.

Encapsulated in little flickers of memory.

As each day passes, I watch them rush through the narrow stem.

When I step back and adjust my view so that I can observe

the full hourglass,

I  see that the memories are not evaporating.

They are merely traveling.

Moving to the bottom bulb, where they will

always remain –

on your end of the hourglass.


Never to be lost or forgotten because

you are there.

You catch each particle of sand – each memory.

As you wait for me, you protect them.

When my laughter, tears and love run through

my glass bulb, someone will hold onto memories of me

as I do for you.

All of our hourglass bulbs and stems connect.

One … on top of the next … on top of the next.

What separates today will eventually join us and

our memories will be united forever.

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My Wishes for your Heavenly Birthday

My Dear Little Miss,

Your birthday is around the corner.

Since I can’t give you a birthday party, I will ask God to throw you a heavenly party that begins like this:

You wake up to a dozen puppy dogs circling you and kissing your face.

An angel swoops in and says, “Happy birthday sweet girl, get ready for an amazing day.” She drops a shimmering birthday card in your lap. The golden lettering reads,

Hello cherished daughter,

You are a treasure. You are a beautiful addition to my family. I love having you close to me all the time. Each day, I enjoy seeing you make the angels laugh and dance. I will tell you later how much I appreciate you during our time together. Enjoy my ‘tiny’ gifts today.

Love, your Father

Out of the envelope slips a golden heart locket. As you open it, flowers fly out creating an amazing fragrance. Their faces become sky projectors – illuminating joyful memories that you’ve had since the moment your soul was created.

As you dash to your window, you see rainbow clouds that spell out Happy Birthday Beautiful! Your friends arrive and cheer you on as they sing your favorite song, “More.”

Scanning the crowd, you see your four grandparents smiling and calling you toward their open arms. One by one they twirl you around. As you turn, the clothes you are wearing literally come to life. The butterfly images on your shirt leap off and butterflies join the dance.

Soft music calls you to the edge of a glistening river. The flower field you walk through to get there is aqua blue – your favorite color.

Suddenly you see His smiling eyes. You are confident of the depth of His love for you. You reach for His hand and He says, “Come, let’s share the day and  create something.” 

My sweet girl, I am asking God to begin your special day with this type of fun, laughter, love and joy.

Celebrating you always and forever,


Blog_Leah and Riley 2

Note: My precious daughter would have turned 18 this month. These marker dates bring so many emotions. Today, I think about the theme birthday parties I created for Leah – Tiny Things for Leah, Circus Fun, Ballet Magic, Slumber Party, etc. Oh, how much I miss these celebrations.

I also take a deep breath, try to relax my mind and creatively image what a heavenly birthday party looks like. As I dwell on these images, this verse comes to mind:

“If you then are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask of him!” Matthew 7:11

When I read these words, a flood of emotions hits. An incredible comfort washes over me. So much so that I nearly break down in tears.

It is reassuring to think about how  God’s love for my daughter is so much more than mine. If I desire good things for her, how much more does He? While my description of a heavenly birthday may appear somewhat juvenile, I trust God’s displays of affection and celebration are beyond what I can even imagine.

I love this line in Revelation 21, “They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.”

I encourage you to pause and create joy-filled images of your loved one’s heavenly birthday.